Often when perusing newspapers I run across jokes. While slightly off-topic for the blog’s focus, I just had to share! Here’s a selection of Victorian humor to brighten your day:
- “Ratty taste,” said the butcher, “can’t understand it. Those sausages were not made of rats, sir, and you know it. May be the cats had caught and eaten a few though.”
- An Iowa farmer bet a new hat that he could cross the railroad track with his team before the train came up. He was lost by ten feet. The distance was measured by his heirs.
- Mistress – “What a time you’ve been about that egg, Mary.” Mary – “Yes, ma’am; but the new kitchen clock has such large minutes!”
- It does torment a railroad restaurant keeper frightfully to have a customer ask: “How much will you charge me a thousand for such sandwiches as these? I’m going to build a house, and I think they’d be more durable than brick.”
- A down-East militia Captain, on receiving a note from a lady, requested the “pleasure of his company,” and understood it as a compliment to those under his command, and marched the whole of them to the lady’s house!
- What has become of that man who gave memory lessons?
Oh-he hanged himself because his pupils forgot to pay his tuition bills.
- They were looking over the prize fighter and enumerating his good points.
“How’s his wind?” asked the visitor at last.
“Excellent,” replied his manager. “He can out talk a phonograph.”
- “Mr. Hawkins,” said she, “I wish you’d decide a bet between me and Mr. Barrows. He says it is only 500 feet from here to the hotel, and I say it is 1,000 feet.”
“Well,” said Hawkins, “I should say you were both right. It’s about 500 of Barrow’s feet and 1,000 of yours.”
- “There’s money in stocks,” said the man who is young and enthusiastic.
“Yes,” replied his seasoned friend. “I’m sure there is. I have been putting half my salary there for the last four years, and that’s all there yet.”
- Dobbs – Maria, that beast of a dog of yours must go. She has just bitten a piece out of the calf of my leg.
Maria – Oh, this is too terrible!
Dobbs – It is a comfort to have some sympathy for once.
Maria – I was not thinking of you at all, but the veterinary surgeon yesterday ordered poor Floorie to be restricted to a milk diet.
Source: Various American newspapers from 1845 – 1899.
- Bathing: Cures Insanity, Prevents Cholera ~1856
- Frowzy Wives and a Foretaste of Purgatory ~1886
- Chocolate and a Mysterious Ending ~1856